


What to say to you?

by Kayssna



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-21
Updated: 2015-12-21
Packaged: 2018-05-08 02:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5479859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kayssna/pseuds/Kayssna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“We regret to inform you that your wife was killed in a car crash at 6:00 this afternoon.” </p>
<p>30 minutes since his wife left this earth. 7 minutes since he was told.</p>
<p>It feels like an eternity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What to say to you?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Please remember the tags and summary as there is a death. 
> 
> A canonical death but regardless please take care of yourself. <3

It takes Aaron a second for the news to sink in fully.

“I’m sorry, sir.” The police officer says, her voice small and insignificant in his ear as Aaron’s world turns upside down. “We don’t believe she felt any pain,”

“Thank you,” Aaron replies, because it seems like the thing to say. Then he says, “I’m sorry, I have to-” and hangs up.

A sob tears through his throat, taking him by surprise as he stares down at the phone. He throws it and it hits the wall with an unsatisfying slam as it shatters into pieces. He digs his fist into his eyes, and lets another sob out. It’s almost enough to drown out the sound of tiny footsteps as they walk towards the kitchen door.

Almost, but not enough and it gives Aaron just enough time to grab the shattered remains of his phone as Theo pokes her head around the corner.

“Daddy?” Theo asks, her bright pink tiara and tutu a stark contrast with the grey that the rest of the world has turned into, “Are you okay?”

“Baby, we’re going to the Hamilton’s for a small visit,” Aaron says hoarsely, as he forces himself to move forward to pick her up. She goes willingly enough, arms wrapping around his neck trustingly. “Daddy’s got to take care of something, and Mrs. Hamilton says that you’ll be able to play with Phillip.”

Her face lights up and Aaron feels the breath escape out of his chest. People always say that she has her mother’s smile.

~

He double checks Theo’s seatbelt and then double checks his. Looks both ways several times at every stop. Tries not to look at the “ I love you “ post it note that Theodosia had put on the dashboard before Aaron went to the grocery store that morning.

Even with his precautions it only takes him 5 minutes to make the 10 minute drive from his house to the Hamilton's. 

It's a matter of seconds before he forces

He stands at the door and tries to make sure he doesn’t look as shattered as he feels. He knocks and tries to make sure it doesn’t sound desperate. He has Theo’s hand in his and makes sure the hold is gentle.

“What do you...Burr?” Alexander answers the door. His face slips into concern and Aaron decides he must look as shattered as he feels.

“I need to talk to you about something,” Aaron grinds out, as he forces himself to let go of his daughter’s hand.. She runs into the house shrieking “Phil!” and it only takes a second for the responding “Theo!” to echo through the house.

“What do you need?” Alexander asks, looking slightly lost as he takes in Aaron’s state.

“Theodosia is-,” That’s how far Aaron gets before another sob rips through him. He bites down on cheek hard enough to taste blood as he makes sure he doesn’t breakdown on the Hamilton's front doorstep. Alexander looks stricken, and it only takes a second for him to call back into the house, “Eliza!”

It’s another moment before Eliza shows at the door, worry clear in her face.

She takes one look at him and immediately rushes him inside, checking outside. ‘Looking for reporters to imitate,” Aaron thinks, and for a split second the remembered image of Eliza screaming at a reporter taking pictures of the children nearly makes him grin.

He notices the clock on the wall: 6:37pm

_“We regret to inform you that your wife was killed in a car crash at 6:00 this afternoon.”_

30 minutes since his wife left this earth. 7 minutes since he was told.

It feels like an eternity.

He doesn’t question it when Eliza and Alexander drag him into Alexander’s office and help him sit down on the leather monstrosity of a couch. He stares blankly down at the floor as they discuss things quietly above his head. A few words later he watches as Alexander’s shoes disappear. The soft click on the door and the bounce of the couch is enough to startle him.

He glances up, and the warm gaze of Eliza is enough to break him

He cries for what feels like hours, days, months, entire lifetimes. He cries until he’s gasping for air, until he’s wishing that the air didn’t come again because every breath sends another tidal wave of grief washing over him sending him farther and farther out to sea.

He comes back to himself on Eliza’s soaked shirt and he somehow finds the energy to say, “God, I’m sorry-”

“It’s alright, Aaron,” She says, gently before she pushes a tall glass of water into his hand. “Drink, it’ll help the headache.”

Aaron does as she says, entire body moving on autopilot. “Is Theo okay?” He asks, in between sips.

“Alex says her and Phillip are playing quite happily,”

“I don’t know how to tell her,” Aaron admits after he finishes. “God, I don’t know how to tell her that her mother is …” He can’t finish the sentence and he buries his face in his hands.

“I wish I could help you,” Eliza says, and Aaron admires and hates her honesty.

“I know,” He answers instead of screaming like he wants to. “Can you bring her to me so I can tell her?”

“Of course,” She says, after a beat. She walks towards the door.

“Thank you, Eliza.” He manages just as her hand settles on the doorknob. She turns around and gives him a sad look, and it strikes him that Eliza and Theodosia had been if not good friends then at least friends..

“You’re welcome,” She replies.

The few minutes before Eliza comes back with Theo Aaron plans.

The second she walks in all of the thoughts in his mind go blank..

“Daddy?” She asks, as Eliza gently closes the door behind her to give them privacy. “What’s wrong?”

Aaron’s heart shatters even more, and he wonders how he can ever get through this.

He forces himself to take a deep breath and think, “Do you remember Beethoven the goldfish? Do you remember when me and Mommy said they went to heaven?”

Theo nods, eyes growing wide in her small face. “Did mommy go with Beethoven?” She asks, and god for once Aaron wished she wasn’t so smart. “Beethoven didn’t come back.” She says slowly, and Aaron would give everything he has every had to get the horrible look of her face, to fix the horrible truth that she has to face.

A moment passes as Theo comprehends what she just figured out. Then she begins to scream.

“No!” She throws herself to the floor and Aaron grabs her lightning quick into his arms. “NO!” She screams again as she pounds her tiny fists on his back. “I WANT MOMMY!” She sobs, into his shoulder.

“ _Me, too_.” He doesn’t reply, as the days stretch out before them both.

He rocks her back and forth, and after a moment she stops punching and just curls her fists into the back of his jacket sobbing. He starts after a moment to sing a lullaby, a desperate attempt to soothe her even a little bit. His low scratchy voice a sharp contrast to the loud sobbing.

It seems to help as her breathing slows to hiccups and then finally tamper of to nothing as she exhausts herself to sleep.

‘ _Dear god_ ,’ He thinks, as he kisses the top of Theo’s head. ‘ _Theodosia, what am I supposed to do without you?_ ’

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! If you like please give it a kudos and maybe leave a comment telling me if you liked it and if you didn't maybe give me feedback on how to make my writing better. :)
> 
> And hey come talk to me at kayssna.tumblr.com if you so wish. 
> 
> Have an awesome day.


End file.
